Why am I having such an emotional response to learning about Torah?
Change is hard! For all of us. And when we learn something important that for most of our lives we didn’t know or understand, it can elicit negative, fearful, or defensive emotions. But, hopefully, only for a short period of time. YHVH is good! For many of us, we felt a plethora of emotions when our eyes were newly opened to the true Gospel, the beauty of His Torah. After all, wasn’t that just history that does not matter anymore? When we realize our past relationship with God was based on ideas or concepts that are not actually in the Bible, we might feel deceived, angry, or confused. If this is you… you are in the right place. Let’s talk about it.
I remember feeling confusion with a bit of anger sprinkled in. I thought, how can I be sure THIS walk is real? Especially considering I used to be just as confident in what I would now call false beliefs. I remember feeling very overwhelmed, chaotic, as if I didn’t understand how to connect my past beliefs with newfound understanding. What do I keep and what do I throw out? Well, I was willing to take it all out, every belief, and validate them with Scripture. If I could not find scriptural evidence of a past belief, or if any church doctrine was in conflict with the Word, it had to be thrown out.
If you are feeling emotional, overwhelmed, frustrated, or alone… just pause. Take a breath and remember, Yah our Elohim is GOOD, His timing is PERFECT, and we will continually be growing in wisdom. Let’s reason together on a couple of matters that may help settle emotions for you:
1. YHVH has perfect timing: We can’t always see it in the moment, but always in retrospect. Ecclesiastes 3:11 Adonai has made everything suited to its time, also, he has given an awareness of eternity, but in such a way that they can’t fully comprehend, from beginning to end, the things He has done (CJB). We have to remember our Elohim does not make mistakes, and we each have a specific journey to travel. Maybe we feel He should have revealed things sooner as it could have prevented heartache or distress. We would have done things different with our children or in our marriage. However, He gets to order our steps and determine what and when we can see things clearly. We must trust, be patient, and continually ask for wisdom regarding all spiritual matters. Trust His process.
I am often comforted when I think about Luke 24, at the end of the chapter it says after they walked with Yeshua (face to face), we read “then He opened their minds to the Scriptures” (this would have been Torah, by the way). They were walking and talking with Messiah and still, because of their flesh, could not see all the truth until the end of their time with Him? Whoa! He chose to reveal deeper understanding to His followers… In His timing.
2. Our heart & mind must be willing: He asks that we press in continually, and that we seek Him with our whole heart. Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Ephesians 4:23 Put off your old self, being corrupted according to the desires of deceit, and be renewed in the Spirit of your mind. Have you ever told Him you would give up ANYTHING for Him? Did you mean it? If He chose to give you knowledge and understanding, it is because you were a willing vessel, with an open heart and open mind to receive. We did nothing to deserve to be aligned with His will, except have a pure desire from the heart. And He knows your heart.
3. Be prepared with spiritual stamina: This walk is not for the faint of heart. It may cause us to be isolated or separated from friends of loved ones. We know Truth comes with rejection. Isaiah 40:31 But they who wait for YHVH shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
4. His plan is sovereign: We may question many things, or feel emotional, but let’s not question His authority to do things in His timing and His way. We only see the smallest part of His story. Some of us are still waiting for family members to seek truth. We pray and we pray. Trust in His ways. He owes us no explanation. Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts and your ways are not my ways.”
As you process the transition, remind yourself what a blessing it is to be in your shoes. He chose you to go deeper. He chose you to know Him more intimately. Will there be challenging moments? Yes. Are they worth it? Absolutely.
